The dream-team

Lately I have gotten the honor to meet a lot of young adults coming through our home in Bali. They are on their own personal quests to expand the boundaries of their world, longing for what they intuit beyond the edges of the unknown. Each and every one of them have been such inspiration to my soul in the most deep sense when they have invited me into their life stories with a raw honesty blowing me away. I have been in awe of the power they all are alive with, which has taken them through the extreme pain of the system they are forced to entrust as they are seemingly educated into adulthood. 

Being invited into their worlds, a part of me just want to roar, scream, plead; damn world, wake up! Stop forcing all these amazing children to have to go through this torture of a system so entirely outdated. While breathing for a while, crying a bit and looking into their eyes... the roar turns into creative ideas I get ready to evolve. From that roar I find the love and I hold them simply saying; there is nothing wrong with you! Never has been! Never will be! It is the system which is wrong... those imposing it on you not knowing better.

This simple thing of letting them know just this one thing of "nothing is wrong with you" creates tears of relief. It opens in them a budding sense of being able to create a real own unique life. They sense that it might be possible to live in a way not suggested by the system and new things starts to take shape in the midst of the tears. 

This morning I woke up with a sentence formed in my mind, based in a dialogue from yesterday where the question of "What can I do?" was asked:

"Accept and relax into the darkness which is there… there, you are naturally rising up. There you will learn how to take care of yourself. You will learn the skills you need to learn, to do what you really want to do; one step at a time. Step by step. Do this together with other people whom you love and who truly cares for you…" 

I lie in the sweet light of the early morning and sense how obvious it is that we need people around us who truly cares for us. A dream-team of real lovers. Those who see into the core of, and beyond the edges of the limitations of what is normal.

For me, Ayisha and her cats are some of the given lovers of my personal dream-team and every time we can invite another being into our world I am so happy to take part of those tears. Tears which are opening to water the dried up soil created in the harsh grip of the system. As I had already seen the seeds lying there ready to sprout, although unnourished... I smile deeply when slowly the laughters and creative ideas start moving and coming forth. Then I know that there is nothing, nothing which can make flowers not to be born. 

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The blueprint of the soul

I always make the spaces I live and work in into Temples. "Why not", I feel.

When I went to school I was often looking around wondering why everything needed to be so square and ugly?! If you build something why not make it beautiful? That was how my reflections were going! The time, energy and money is anyway put into it! Choosing beauty was always easy for me, and when I was little I thought everyone functioned like that. The equation did not come together in that super ugly concrete building from the sixties with the most disgusting colours on the walls and with materials that fitted better in a prison than in a place for learning and creative inspiration. 

When I got older I understood better and realised that this was one of the natural gifts of mine, which I could contribute with to others. So it happened that my first business at 14 was one of renovating and selling old amazing iron beds. Maybe the most profitable business I ever had percentage-wise, which is cool as a first step on the journey of entrepreneurship. Although I truly have to send the thanks to my parents who were, well, hmmm... now when I think of it they were kind of slave labour, or maybe even worse... as they actually not only drove me around to the dirty farms where I sourced the old beds in the barns, but they also did pay for the petrol. Hihi, that parental love is amazing. So, anyway... what happened with that experience was that I felt that anything is possible and that I got the creative power to follow my ideas and make them show as beauty in the world.

Right now I am working on one of the most fun projects I have ever done, my first book - "Spirited Living - The Wonder of Rituals" - and more than ever I am feeling that the spaces I choose to work in needs to hold the light, the beauty and the dark soil which I need for it to be born. Most days I work in my own room with a view, which you can see on the pics below, other days I go to cafes or restaurants for another kind of experience and vibe. 

This my space is such a blessing and every time I step into the room I am in awe of the light, the view, the details, the feeling... and I almost can not believe that I actually created it. It is as if I live inside my dream altar, as if every piece of everything is a reminder of what I am truly passionate about in this life. As if every piece in here IS my soul, which I can see on the outside.

When I sit down to work I do the simple rituals that inspire me; drink water with peppermint oil, light my sweet vanilla Japanese incense stick, play some jazz and stretch a bit. I breathe deeply and look with eyes that reach all the way into the core of the Earth, all the way out through the black holes of the Universe and I simply know; my unique blueprint of a soul is perfect, it matters, it lives and it gives. We all are such wild wild amazing flowers of beauty. We are here to live as our most sweet and simple beauty. And where ever we are, we can always start to honor that with the smallest of gestures towards beauty. 

If I would have understood more of who I am when sitting there in the prison like environment of my school, I would have brought a pink rose, a picture of my kitten, some essential oil and a white stone to place on the work desk in front of me. Making a hole in the Matrix right there, piercing myself into the future of my own life. Maybe then I would not have had to become so hard and tough from trying to handle the pain of it all. 

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Morning walk ritual

Every morning I walk through the rice-fields and jungle around the neighbourhood where we live.

When I walk onto the path I let the elements around me touch all my senses and feel like there is a seeming surface between them. The elements and my senses. The meeting. The wind, the fire from the sun, the earth under my feet, the water trickling in the subak and the spirit of it all. A seeming surface towards my skin, my smell, my sight, my listening. But actually no surface for real, it is just one pulsing heartbeat of life itself. Happening now. Unfolding sweetly and powerfully as this moment of life.

And I walk by. Listningen carefully to every step of it all. Listening to the wisdom of my own unique heartbeat and my own touchdown right here.

This is where I enter into the wild conversations of the day. And yes, it is me talking to me. Telling the deepest secrets, singing the sweetest songs, revealing the most important truths about what is happening right now. I tell of the dark, the light, the joy and the sorrow. I tell the details of my longing and the soaring of my celebrations. I say it all out (loud); giggle a bit, cry a little. I see it all and embrace it. I just spontaneously snatter it all into the air. I let the conversations touch on all parts of my life as if I swoosh over it all with my sense, collect the pieces of the seeming puzzle into one vibe of rhythm for the day coming up.

I source all my power right there, so that I can take one more step forward, by allowing all, ALL that is there as me to be cared for. No pieces pushed away or judged if they seem bad, no pieces hidden or squashed if they seem too good. Simply not giving a damn about the notion of good versus bad. Just being me. Naked and raw. Honest with me. A good place to start a raw conversation with everything ahead in the day to come. A good morning to me, and to you!

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Close down by the surface of the Earth

The last part of 2017 was such a wild ride of letting go in my life, such a couldron of change and such dark swirls of challenge. Letting go and opening to the new coming along… what ever that might be. 

There is that hole; that deep & dirty, swirling & composting spiral. Down there where all the juices come from. I love that swirling place. Most of the times when it knocks at my door from beneath it brings me to tears, on my knees remembering the simple and the sacred. Remembering the fact of it all rotting, always… while being born. What I love about it is the authenticity it brings, the vulnerability and the fact that it is only right there, in that soft sweetest of places, where real strength is present.

I wrote this a while back in the midst of the volcano shaking here in Bali:

Silent morning at home. Our new house is such a sanctuary of beauty and peace in these times of the ground shaking beneath us. 

My sense of what it means for daily life to truly be a ritual is tested and strengthened in the most vivid ways. 

On this silent morning the blades of green on the fields around have raindrops on them, quivering in the breeze, the tea tastes like given from heaven and the softness of the blanket around my skin is like an embrace made for holding all the tears breaking through. Vulnerability and strength are weaving their seeming opposites into one pounding heartbeat of what feels like a natural, natural simple movement of this wildly perfect moment of being human.

Now as the New Year is here, I am listening. I am letting the sprouts of my creativity come forth, one by one, slowly and gently.

This blog is one of those sprouts, as part of this my new website. I also have a retreat coming up on Bali in November. And I am spending a lot of my time this year working on my first book.

Holding it all in my own embrace, with honor for my own journey in this life. In honor of the journey of each one of us all in these very challenging times which we live in.

With this blog, I invite you to travel with me, close down by the surface of the Earth where the florescence of life itself is glittering, where tenderness is the way we move and where we are reborn in the honor of our own souls, little by little with natural devotion and simple love.

The wild ride continues and I welcome you to take part… 

And some photos from what is close and around me here in my home. Parsley in my garden, rice in the field, sunset just by my kitchen and a buddha by the pool.