Cries of longing

As the world is swirling with a lot of challenges and old structures are shaking, while hopefully falling apart, I hear cries of longing which are getting louder and louder by the day.

In the midst of it all - here we are; the deeply vulnerable, yet super powerful, human being.  

In my work and life, every day I meet people who are sharing experiences of a struggle in the world which is starting to look more and more like an individual and collective catastrophe.   

Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting a panic mood in response to what is going on. But also not a flip-sided response of positivity or even hope. I am rather suggesting the possibility of approaching all this from a sense of a wild and roaring, yet very sweet, realism. 

This is a move which I feel as a shimmering upheaval. A glittering revolution. A breakdown infused with original creativity. A process of making the vision of what is possible come alive in each one of us, without fearing or pulling away from the raw experience of pain. A knowing that the pain is a blessing, not a curse. This because pain is always part of any real and sustainable transformation... just as the darkest of compost is the best nourishment for all new seeds to grow.

I see so many beautiful and healing projects and movements in the world that are contributing to the change we all know is inevitable. I admire so many amazing contributions and gifts being put into this couldron of change, from people on different kinds of walks of life.

What I would like to highlight through this little piece of writing is the importance of the unique individual life to be truly and thoroughly taken care of in this time of transition. I often say to my clients that deep self-care is the most radical thing we can do in the world right now. I feel this is important to mention because even in projects of "doing good" I meet many people who are burning out and struggling with how to be sustainable in their own personal lives. 

For me therefore, the anchor and the essence of what is important through this time of change is the radiant solid core stability of each one of us. It is crucial to create space to sense and understand the details of our own uniqueness, to have time to learn how to nourish and take care of it, to breathe deeply enough for a little while to let the beauty of it touch our souls. All this so that we can fall more deeply in love with ourselves, for real. 

From the angle where I feel it all, this is the single most important thing for any change in the world to have a substantial sustainability. 

In my work this is what I call "The Ritual of Me”. 

What that ritual feels, looks and tastes like is dynamically unique for each one of us. 

It is a bit worrying to me that a lot of people seem to have no time to stop for a moment; take a breath in the space where this ritual is alive… to recognise the taste of it and listen to the creative sounds of what is there as a gift into the world.  

I think this is an modern tragedy of big proportions, which we need to take a deep real look into. What the hell are we doing with this most valuable resource we have; ourselves!?

The Swedish School Refugees

This one is for those of you who are nerds (two hour long video) on issues like learning, freedom and the possibilities to follow your own sense of reality no matter what. And it is only for those of you who understand Swedish, unfortunately. 

A very inspiring woman Rebecka Koritz asked me a while back if I wanted to contribute to a panel discussion, which would adress the phenomenon of The Swedish School Refugees  As I admire what Rebecka is doing and am stunned by her immense power and life-journey, I said yes.

In 2012, when my daughter Ayisha was 7, and supposed to start school, we left Sweden and took off on a journey we did not know where it would lead us. Our pursuit was to feel the space of the most rugged wildness of freedom, which I sense is the ground needed to be able to live and learn what is truly important in life. Something like; how to take deep and solid care of ourselves and express our most unique creative gifts into this world. 

These are some photos of our first months as Nomads, in a land far away; finding nourishment, community and a rhythm in which the freedom of learning we were looking for was alive and kickin´. 

Now, six years have passed and the cool thing is; it is kind of working! We are still alive, always learning with passion and we are exited at the prospect of a brand new day and what it will hold for us. Every morning that is!

Ayisha is growing into such a curious, sweet, wise, funny and creative young woman. I am starting to mature, and receiving grey hairs, with a kind of dignity I would never have if we did not throw ourselves into this wild river of open intuition, wild trust and a bit of crazy creativity. 

I do not regret the choice of throwing us into that wild river for a moment... yet, when I was listening to the other women in this panel discussion it came clearer to me than ever what a horrible thing it is that our home-country did to us all, and our longing to take care of our children the way we wanted.

I know that Rebecka is onto something with a vision to change the laws in Sweden to create more freedom of choice when it comes to learning, so if this is something you are interested in dont hesitate to contact her.

Interview - stuff about my life-journey

In the beginning of this year this wild shining woman came into our gardens in Bali. Her and I simply could not stop talking and the inspiration was overflowing. Our tea-sipping, flowers & incense filled, chocolate covered moment turned into an interview which she put together; with some stuff about my life-journey and perspectives on it all.

In the end of September Lykke is organizing a “Wild Wild Wise” evening event in Copenhagen where we continue the overflowin’.

Thank you Lykke Junker for your amazingness!

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How would you describe the life you & your beautiful daughter Ayisha are living in Bali today?

Our life has a sense of freedom, which I feel in my whole being. It is a way of moving in daily life where an uncompromising respect for connection with our deepest true values, intuition and self-care is at the core of how we make choices when it comes to what we do. This is so in every detail of life; health, beauty, relationships & specifically in our creativity. We live close to nature, we put the wellbeing of our souls at the core of our lives and we are together in a deep feeling of collaboration with ourselves, each other and the community we have around us.

How did you came to create the amazing and beautiful Trinity Gardens?

When we first arrived in Bali 6 years ago we had this very sweet feeling of ”home”. The soft breeze on the skin, the scent of flowers and insence in the air, the softness of the people… all of it called us to consider the possibility of being here in a way which would support our creativity and learning. I had just met a beautiful man in my life and in our meeting there was such creative playful innocence and wild ideas. We found a house in an amazing location which was for sale and kind of jumped into it with a spontaneity beyond logic. As we both had been working with design and interior of houses for many years as soon as we came to the house the ideas of what we could do to make the full potential of the place come forth started to sprout. As we redesigned the existing house almost totally we worked with such a great team of local builders, artists and designers that one thing led to the other and several houses were created. All as the gardens grew and blossomed. We created in a similar way as kids are building a treehouse in the forest; almost surprised when there were suddenly so many houses there.  

What are the gifts you are harvesting from being & living true to your heart & spirit?

A sense of wonder, curiousity and joy that is always there in my body and soul. As if every day is a sweet adventure of learning, loving, creating and connecting. The many many amazing places I have experienced, people I have met and projects I have created. 

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What is your guiding line in terms of living a true & soulful life?

There are some different ones, but I would say at the core it is something like; always, with no compromise, create space and time in daily life to deeply and fully listen to what my soul is calling me to. Another thing is to treasure and care for close friends, it is like real gold to have close people in life.

Has it been difficult to make the choices you have? And if yes in what way?

Sometimes it has been challenging and scary. Mostly actually because of obeing questioned by people around me. Critizism of me being too much in different ways.

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What does beauty & creativity mean to you?

It means a lot; it is like a lifeline which I just can not live without. Like something as natural as air and water around me. I always simply have to create beauty around me where ever I am, with what I have, and I always want to create new thing. I love being multi-creative, expressing through many different mediums. I believe that if we are left to ourselves we are all naturally creative and make beauty around us all the time, in our own unuqie way.

What is your life/souls philosophy?

In a simple way I can say; this moment of reality holds everything that is needed to be/express the most real beauty of oneself. The light and the darkness are always both as valuable for what we need to blossom. Everything is possible to live when we feel the fullness of our life-force and when we listen sweetly to what is the natural movement of our soul. To be wild and creative takes a lot of courage but is worth every minute of the innocence that is reclaimed through it.

Can you tell us a little about the concept you have developed ”Spirited Living”?

I will quote some from my website:

Spirited Living is a practical philosophy opening wholeness through feeling all aspects of our lives; health, beauty, relationship and creativity, from a perspective of radical naturalness. When these aspects are all equally cared for, our lives are inspired with a continuous alive inquiry that intimately weaves authentic beauty in our lives.

Spirited Living is being created in my living sense that spirituality, sexuality and creativity are all alive as one at the center of being human. When we approach these aspects as interrelated we are deeply connected to the most simple way of being ourselves, and naturally express our most authentic creative gifts. As human beings we manifest the meeting between space and form, stillness and movement... and as we constantly live in the dynamic of this meeting, we are alive as the inherent sacredness of all life.

To live a spirited life is where the beginning and the end come together and a journey where the authenticity of how we show up with whatever is the case is more important than what shows up in any given moment. The wild perfection of any given moment is our temple.

Spirited Living is a place where the relaxation into the divine emptiness and the unique fullness of the alive spiral which we are, is uncovered. It is a possibility to curiously, in a raw way and without judgment, explore life with a deep sense of wonder.

Daily life can be a natural ritual when we see, accept and create with all seeming counterparts. Darkness and light, simplicity and complexity, emptiness and fullness, freedom and love – are all components of authentic human living and dying, of real unconditional beauty.

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What does it mean to you to be a woman in this life, in these times? What do you think our greatest task as women of today is?

I feel it is an honor to be a woman. It is extremely powerful and very vulnerable at the same time. I feel that there is a connection between women in the world today, and with Mother Earth, which has such a huge potentil within it. I think the task is to do one of the most radical things we can do; learn how to take deep, deep care of ourselves. And from that self-care we listen to the unique creative calling we have, connect with other women and work together to naturally share love and care in every way possible, as an integrated part of our daily life.

What are you most grateful for today?

I am grateful for my bare feet on the ground, the air around me, the trees and flowers. I am grateful for my beautiful daughter and my amazing friends. And I am so happy for my own soul to be such a rebel always willing to find new ways to live wild and free in the midst of a world system which seems like a prison a lot of the time.

How do you make sure that you keep listening and check in with your heart/spirit in terms of being open to new adventures?

I am uncompromisingly creating space every day for silence, being in nature, journaling, talking deeply with friends, to be inspired by different things and give of my unique creativity.

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Do you have a personal practice that keep you in allignment and help you stay present through everyday life?

In one way I can say that my whole life is my practice. It is what I mean with ”The Wonder of Rituals” that the way I wake up in the morning, the way I move through my day with the simple things is like a practice, like a ritual for what is truly important. I also do more specific things like walking, yoga, meditation, reading etc.

What is your number one advice to other women, who have a deep longing for living a more soulful, heartcenteret and spirited life?

It would be to make sure to create space to stop, preferably for at least a full day now and then… to have time to be alone, sensually nourishing the body and soul and to ask the core important questions to yourself about life & death. To have time to listen to what is there. To allow sorrow to come forth and let it guide the choices for life. To trust that sadness is a very great source of truth and wisdom. It wants to say something important if you let it be naked and simply felt.

The dream-team

Lately I have gotten the honor to meet a lot of young adults coming through our home in Bali. They are on their own personal quests to expand the boundaries of their world, longing for what they intuit beyond the edges of the unknown. Each and every one of them have been such inspiration to my soul in the most deep sense when they have invited me into their life stories with a raw honesty blowing me away. I have been in awe of the power they all are alive with, which has taken them through the extreme pain of the system they are forced to entrust as they are seemingly educated into adulthood. 

Being invited into their worlds, a part of me just want to roar, scream, plead; damn world, wake up! Stop forcing all these amazing children to have to go through this torture of a system so entirely outdated. While breathing for a while, crying a bit and looking into their eyes... the roar turns into creative ideas I get ready to evolve. From that roar I find the love and I hold them simply saying; there is nothing wrong with you! Never has been! Never will be! It is the system which is wrong... those imposing it on you not knowing better.

This simple thing of letting them know just this one thing of "nothing is wrong with you" creates tears of relief. It opens in them a budding sense of being able to create a real own unique life. They sense that it might be possible to live in a way not suggested by the system and new things starts to take shape in the midst of the tears. 

This morning I woke up with a sentence formed in my mind, based in a dialogue from yesterday where the question of "What can I do?" was asked:

"Accept and relax into the darkness which is there… there, you are naturally rising up. There you will learn how to take care of yourself. You will learn the skills you need to learn, to do what you really want to do; one step at a time. Step by step. Do this together with other people whom you love and who truly cares for you…" 

I lie in the sweet light of the early morning and sense how obvious it is that we need people around us who truly cares for us. A dream-team of real lovers. Those who see into the core of, and beyond the edges of the limitations of what is normal.

For me, Ayisha and her cats are some of the given lovers of my personal dream-team and every time we can invite another being into our world I am so happy to take part of those tears. Tears which are opening to water the dried up soil created in the harsh grip of the system. As I had already seen the seeds lying there ready to sprout, although unnourished... I smile deeply when slowly the laughters and creative ideas start moving and coming forth. Then I know that there is nothing, nothing which can make flowers not to be born. 

The blueprint of the soul

I always make the spaces I live and work in into Temples. "Why not", I feel.

When I went to school I was often looking around wondering why everything needed to be so square and ugly?! If you build something why not make it beautiful? That was how my reflections were going! The time, energy and money is anyway put into it! Choosing beauty was always easy for me, and when I was little I thought everyone functioned like that. The equation did not come together in that super ugly concrete building from the sixties with the most disgusting colours on the walls and with materials that fitted better in a prison than in a place for learning and creative inspiration. 

When I got older I understood better and realised that this was one of the natural gifts of mine, which I could contribute with to others. So it happened that my first business at 14 was one of renovating and selling old amazing iron beds. Maybe the most profitable business I ever had percentage-wise, which is cool as a first step on the journey of entrepreneurship. Although I truly have to send the thanks to my parents who were, well, hmmm... now when I think of it they were kind of slave labour, or maybe even worse... as they actually not only drove me around to the dirty farms where I sourced the old beds in the barns, but they also did pay for the petrol. Hihi, that parental love is amazing. So, anyway... what happened with that experience was that I felt that anything is possible and that I got the creative power to follow my ideas and make them show as beauty in the world.

Right now I am working on one of the most fun projects I have ever done, my first book - "Spirited Living - The Wonder of Rituals" - and more than ever I am feeling that the spaces I choose to work in needs to hold the light, the beauty and the dark soil which I need for it to be born. Most days I work in my own room with a view, which you can see on the pics below, other days I go to cafes or restaurants for another kind of experience and vibe. 

This my space is such a blessing and every time I step into the room I am in awe of the light, the view, the details, the feeling... and I almost can not believe that I actually created it. It is as if I live inside my dream altar, as if every piece of everything is a reminder of what I am truly passionate about in this life. As if every piece in here IS my soul, which I can see on the outside.

When I sit down to work I do the simple rituals that inspire me; drink water with peppermint oil, light my sweet vanilla Japanese incense stick, play some jazz and stretch a bit. I breathe deeply and look with eyes that reach all the way into the core of the Earth, all the way out through the black holes of the Universe and I simply know; my unique blueprint of a soul is perfect, it matters, it lives and it gives. We all are such wild wild amazing flowers of beauty. We are here to live as our most sweet and simple beauty. And where ever we are, we can always start to honor that with the smallest of gestures towards beauty. 

If I would have understood more of who I am when sitting there in the prison like environment of my school, I would have brought a pink rose, a picture of my kitten, some essential oil and a white stone to place on the work desk in front of me. Making a hole in the Matrix right there, piercing myself into the future of my own life. Maybe then I would not have had to become so hard and tough from trying to handle the pain of it all. 

Morning walk ritual

Every morning I walk through the rice-fields and jungle around the neighbourhood where we live.

When I walk onto the path I let the elements around me touch all my senses and feel like there is a seeming surface between them. The elements and my senses. The meeting. The wind, the fire from the sun, the earth under my feet, the water trickling in the subak and the spirit of it all. A seeming surface towards my skin, my smell, my sight, my listening. But actually no surface for real, it is just one pulsing heartbeat of life itself. Happening now. Unfolding sweetly and powerfully as this moment of life.

And I walk by. Listningen carefully to every step of it all. Listening to the wisdom of my own unique heartbeat and my own touchdown right here.

This is where I enter into the wild conversations of the day. And yes, it is me talking to me. Telling the deepest secrets, singing the sweetest songs, revealing the most important truths about what is happening right now. I tell of the dark, the light, the joy and the sorrow. I tell the details of my longing and the soaring of my celebrations. I say it all out (loud); giggle a bit, cry a little. I see it all and embrace it. I just spontaneously snatter it all into the air. I let the conversations touch on all parts of my life as if I swoosh over it all with my sense, collect the pieces of the seeming puzzle into one vibe of rhythm for the day coming up.

I source all my power right there, so that I can take one more step forward, by allowing all, ALL that is there as me to be cared for. No pieces pushed away or judged if they seem bad, no pieces hidden or squashed if they seem too good. Simply not giving a damn about the notion of good versus bad. Just being me. Naked and raw. Honest with me. A good place to start a raw conversation with everything ahead in the day to come. A good morning to me, and to you!

Close down by the surface of the Earth

The last part of 2017 was such a wild ride of letting go in my life, such a couldron of change and such dark swirls of challenge. Letting go and opening to the new coming along… what ever that might be. 

There is that hole; that deep & dirty, swirling & composting spiral. Down there where all the juices come from. I love that swirling place. Most of the times when it knocks at my door from beneath it brings me to tears, on my knees remembering the simple and the sacred. Remembering the fact of it all rotting, always… while being born. What I love about it is the authenticity it brings, the vulnerability and the fact that it is only right there, in that soft sweetest of places, where real strength is present.

I wrote this a while back in the midst of the volcano shaking here in Bali:

Silent morning at home. Our new house is such a sanctuary of beauty and peace in these times of the ground shaking beneath us. 

My sense of what it means for daily life to truly be a ritual is tested and strengthened in the most vivid ways. 

On this silent morning the blades of green on the fields around have raindrops on them, quivering in the breeze, the tea tastes like given from heaven and the softness of the blanket around my skin is like an embrace made for holding all the tears breaking through. Vulnerability and strength are weaving their seeming opposites into one pounding heartbeat of what feels like a natural, natural simple movement of this wildly perfect moment of being human.

Now as the New Year is here, I am listening. I am letting the sprouts of my creativity come forth, one by one, slowly and gently.

This blog is one of those sprouts, as part of this my new website. I also have a retreat coming up on Bali in November. And I am spending a lot of my time this year working on my first book.

Holding it all in my own embrace, with honor for my own journey in this life. In honor of the journey of each one of us all in these very challenging times which we live in.

With this blog, I invite you to travel with me, close down by the surface of the Earth where the florescence of life itself is glittering, where tenderness is the way we move and where we are reborn in the honor of our own souls, little by little with natural devotion and simple love.

The wild ride continues and I welcome you to take part… 

And some photos from what is close and around me here in my home. Parsley in my garden, rice in the field, sunset just by my kitchen and a buddha by the pool.